Soul (Chaos #1) Read online

  My stomach fluttered its denial. There had been something about him the very first time I saw him that made it through the haze, something about his touch that could never be forgotten. I didn’t care why. I just wanted him to survive. “I’m going to help him. He could fix what’s happened to you.”

  “He won’t.” He gazed at me. “If you help him, help him for all of the fae and humans who will die if you don’t.” He gestured at my house. “You should get inside. The other pair will follow you in. Just remember, Cara. Never eat the food, never accept a drink, and avoid their touch.” He touched my face then pulled his hand away as if I had stung him. “Especially mine. He’s fighting me. I’m fading away, I think. Any time could be the last.”

  I brushed my lips against his before he could stop me, then I went inside. After all, I had only kissed Brendan to remember how it felt to kiss Drake.

  Dad was waiting in the hallway, his arms folded across his chest. “Who was outside?”

  I brushed past him. “Nobody.”

  He gripped my shoulder and shoved me against the wall. “I asked you a question, Cara.” He made himself look as tall as possible before me.

  “A friend who helped me one night, okay? My drink was spiked, and he made sure I got home safe. That’s all.”

  “Spiked?” He sneered down at me. “Sure it was. Even you should know better than to—”

  I wanted to throw up. “You know quite well I would never touch drugs, so don’t even try to make it sound that way.”

  “Oh, please. We both know what you are, Cara. A pathetic little girl acting out for attention. If Darragh could see—”

  I shoved him. Caught by surprise, he lost his balance and tripped. He reached out to grab my leg, but I kicked his hand away.

  “Leave me alone!” I ran up to my room, slammed the door, and locked it behind me. I hid under my duvet as footsteps sounded on the stairs. I ignored the angry pounding on the door. I couldn’t remember if he had been that way before Darragh’s overdose, but no matter how much I struggled, I couldn’t dredge up any good memories of him.

  “You should tell Brendan,” Realtín said into my ear.

  I jumped with fright. I had completely forgotten about the fae. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, relieved to hear my father stomping back down the stairs. He would wait in the living toom for my mother, grinding his teeth until she returned.

  “Tell him what?” I asked the sprite.

  “He wants to hurt you.” She flew over and settled on my shoulder, the ultimate little devil. “Brendan could punish him. Make sure he can never make you cry again.”

  And break my mother’s heart. She had lost enough already. “Don’t tell anyone about this,” I said. “Either of you. It’s nothing to do with the fae, and he’s my family. This is just… the way he is. Nobody can change that.”

  She opened her mouth to argue, but Grim shot her a look. She scowled and flew over to take her tantrum out on the faery ornaments. She shoved one to the floor, and it broke into little pieces. Grim cleaned up before I could stand.

  That evening, Mam returned, and I heard my father shouting before she trudged up the stairs. I unlocked my bedroom door.

  She stepped in, closed the door behind her, and sat on my bed. “Just one day, Cara. Can you not go one day without driving him demented?” She rubbed her eyes, looking exhausted.

  “Are you serious? He’s a lunatic!”

  “You kicked him.”

  “Yeah, but—”

  She slapped my face. I stared at her in shock, but she didn’t apologise.

  “I’m so very tired,” she said. “You’re too old for this, Cara.”

  “Me? I’m too old? He’s always been the adult in this situation, Mam.”

  “And you’re the adult now, so stop winding him up.”

  “I don’t understand this. You know how he is with me. You see him all the time. You raised me not to be a victim outside of this house, so why is okay to be one at home? Explain it to me, Mam, because I can’t come up with any reason why that would make sense.”

  “You’re not a victim! I hope you don’t tell people these things. You blow everything out of proportion and egg him on and—”

  “If he murders me, are you going to tell the police that I drove him to it?” I stared at her. “Are you?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. You’re so melodramatic. Can you not see? Can’t you just…” She shook her head. “Please try harder. And don’t put your hands on him again.” She stroked the cheek she had slapped then left the room, shutting the door behind her.

  “Brendan could deal with her, too,” Realtín said softly.

  “Enough!” Grim snapped.

  The pair argued well into the night, another relationship I was ruining without trying, and I knew I wasn’t ever going to sleep peacefully again.

  Chapter Ten

  I stared at my email, chewing on my fingernail.

  I once had a strange night that changed my life forever. The cups refilled themselves, and the drink was so strong that I dreamt of many things. I still do. That night gave me enough inspiration for a lifetime of stories.

  V.G.L.

  That settled it. V.G. Love had gone through something like my experience. And it sounded as though he had never gotten over it and had learned to channel what he had seen into something more creative. I decided to reply.

  I had a strange night, too. They’ve come back for me. What would you do?

  I couldn’t sit there, waiting for a reply, so I went out for a run, all the time wondering who V.G. was. What had he seen? Had he escaped like I had? It was hard for me to reach out, even through email. The fae had consumed me, and every day, I felt the pull a little tighter.

  I ran faster until Realtín’s constant whining wore me down. I headed back home and spent the evening asking Grim questions, desperate to understand their world, to involve myself in it. As if he realised what was happening, he told me as little as possible and nothing good.

  I was due to go back to work the next day. I had gotten into trouble for missing a shift, but it was the first time, so my manager had been fairly lenient. I wasn’t going to give her an excuse to sack me, though.

  “Where are you going this time?” Realtín asked as I rummaged for a clean uniform.

  “Work.”

  “It could be dangerous,” Grim said.

  “I have to work. I need the money. And I want to run without you two moaning at me to slow down. My course starts again tomorrow, so get used to me going outside.”

  “That’s not a good idea,” Brendan said from right behind me.

  “Jesus!” I spun around and slapped his arm. “Don’t scare me like that.”

  He narrowed his eyes. “You hit me.”

  “Baby.”

  He had me pressed against the wall quicker than I could blink. “If I had allowed my bodyguard to follow us in, you’d be very dead by now. If the wrong fae witnessed that, I would have to kill you myself just to prove a point, so watch your mouth.” He glanced at Realtín and Grim. “Even the smallest fae are dangerous, so be more careful around the important ones.”

  He let me go and stepped away as if nothing had happened. I leaned against the wall, breathing heavily.

  When he turned to me, his green eyes were sad. “I promised not to hurt you, Cara, but you need to learn the rules. My world is far more dangerous than yours. You can’t be seen as an equal in any sense of the meaning.” He looked at Grim. “Instruct her, or loyalty will kill her before a betrayal can get to her.” He doubled over with pain, grunting noisily.

  “Are you okay?” I asked in spite of myself.

  Drake looked at me with violet eyes. “He’s right. They’ll hurt you for disrespect, or rather, they’ll use it as an excuse.” He reached out but dropped his arm before touching me. “Are you all right? Did he hurt you?”

  I shook my head. “He didn’t try. But why was he even here?”

  “Your run caused some drama and angst amongst the
watchers. Brendan didn’t realise just how often young human women leave their homes unattended these days.” He smiled. “He’s pretty old-fashioned.”

  “Can he hear us? When he goes away, can he see and hear what you do?”

  His smile grew wider. “Only when I let him. Right now, he’s blind and fighting furiously to return. I’ll be gone soon, but it was worth it.”

  “Can you two leave us alone for a few minutes?” I asked the sprite and brownie. They looked at Drake for affirmation before leaving. “They know you’re not their king, right?”

  He shrugged. “They can plead their innocence. What’s wrong?”

  I just wanted an excuse to spend time with him, to get to know him and understand the physical ache inside me when he wasn’t around. I wanted to see past the magic, but I doubted that answer would keep his eyes violet. “I… I don’t know what to do. What the right thing to do is.”

  “Keep your head down, get through the ceremony, then run and don’t look back.”

  “What if I didn’t want to run?” I asked softly, afraid to look at him.

  “You want to run.”

  “I don’t know how I can do this, Drake. I have to work. I have to go to school. I can’t be surrounded by fae. It’s distracting. If it was just you and me…”

  “Cara, that can never be.”

  “Why? Because I’m human?”

  “That, and because I’m fading. Do you not understand that I won’t be around in any form soon?”

  I bit the corner of my lip. “So make the most of the time you have left then.”

  “Is that all you think you’re worth?” he asked sharply.

  “Maybe I want to feel something other than pain for a change.”

  “The fae can only ever hurt you.” His tone had softened, but he kept saying words I didn’t want to hear.

  I looked away, gathering my arms around me. “He said you make him weak.”

  “It does him no harm to know what that feels like. I’m not the son of a king or queen, not even a warrior. I’m on my own, and that means less power. When he’s crowned, I’ll be pushed out of my body for good.”

  “Unless he can save you.”

  He shook his head. “There’s no way to save me. But I won’t waste my final weeks on regret. I have things I need to do first.”

  “Like what?”

  “Nothing that should concern you. Now it’s just a matter of lasting long enough.”

  “I have to survive until Imbolc,” I said, sitting on my bed.

  He pulled my desk chair directly in front of me and sat. “I know. Think you can manage that?”

  “I’ve survived almost twenty-one years without the fae to protect me.”

  “Or despite them,” he said, his eyes unreadable.

  I didn’t like where that thought led. “What if I mess up at the ceremony thing?”

  “You won’t. Tell the truth, or they’ll know. That’s all you can do. And never speak about me. If I appear publicly, don’t let on.”

  I stared at him. “Are you going to fight him?”

  “Long enough to do what I have to do.”

  “Which is?”

  “You’re persistent.” He stared at his hands. “Revenge is the only thing keeping me here.”

  I waited, but he didn’t elaborate. “Anything I can help with?”

  He gave me a sad smile. “I wouldn’t ask.”

  “I offered.”

  “Only because you don’t know what you’re offering. It’ll be over soon, and you can move on with your life.”

  He always wore his normal face, only keeping his wings retracted, while Brendan tended to glamour himself to look more human. I wondered at that. I reached for him.

  He pushed my hands away. “Didn’t I warn you to be careful?”

  “Multiple times now.”

  He sighed. “Cara, don’t waste your life on something that isn’t real. Fae magic will destroy you if you let it.”

  I got up, sat on his lap, and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. “It’s not magic, Drake. The other stuff might be but not this.”

  He stared up at me. “And what is this?”

  “This is real. I can tell the difference between this and what the other fae try to make me feel.”

  I kissed him, willing him to feel what I felt, to know what I knew. When I pulled back, I was amused by the change in his expression.

  He shook his head. “Stop. There’s nowhere this can go. Even if I didn’t fade, we live in two different worlds. We don’t belong, and it’s just magic that’s—”

  “You’re not doing anything to me.”

  “Not purposely, but it’s always there. We’re made of it. Magic runs through our veins, seeps through our pores, and you… you make everything ten times worse. I can’t even tell anymore...” He shook his head and gently pushed me off his lap. “I’m letting him return, and I’d rather he didn’t find you sitting on his lap. Take care of yourself, Cara. Do what you have to do. It’ll all be over soon.”

  He held on to the chair, his face pinkening then paling as the struggle between two souls began anew. He choked for air, and I prayed one of them would remember to breathe. And then it was over.

  Brendan staggered to his feet. “It’s you. I have to… have to get away.” He disappeared, and a few moments later, Grim and Realtín reappeared.

  “What’s wrong with him?” I asked, half to myself.

  “Drake’s stronger around you,” Grim said in a low voice, glancing around as if someone were hiding in the shadows. “It makes Brendan weak, even though you’re the one who will ultimately make him stronger. If not, you would already be dead. He needs you. That’s the only reason he tolerates you.”

  “Sorcha wants him to kill you,” Realtín confided. “She thinks he’ll win the throne without your help. He refused, but maybe… maybe you should be more pleasant to him.”

  I frowned. “Pleasant?”

  She exchanged a glance with Grim. “Back in the old days, he was known for his… dalliances with human girls. Maybe if you entertain him…”

  I walked over to my closet. “I’m going to take a shower. I need to scrub a few new mental images out of my head. Stay here.”

  I got my things together and headed into the hall, but my father was standing there with a scowl on his face.

  “Who’s in your room?” he demanded.

  “Nobody!”

  He pushed me out of the way and stormed into my room, looking around frantically. He checked under the bed, and for a split-second, I wished a monster would eat him. I tried to push the dark thoughts away, but they whispered constantly whenever my father was around.

  He rushed to the window and looked outside. “Who was here, Cara?”

  “Obviously nobody.”

  “Don’t cheek me! You might pay rent, but this is my house, and you never let anyone in here without my say-so. Do you hear me?”

  I stared at him. “I heard you. Can I shower now?”

  “Get out of my sight.”

  Whatever it was about me that my dad hated, it had been festering for years. I shouldn’t have let him get to me. Mostly, I felt nothing, and maybe that was why the fae had led me to the festival. That constant numbing of my emotions had been the key.

  Except Drake had changed me, and my feelings were growing out of control. I knew it was wrong and hopeless, but I couldn’t keep away, couldn’t stop trying to think of ways to entice him to the forefront, to stay with me for a little longer.

  After my shower, I went to the kitchen for a quick bite to eat.

  Mam came in and went to the refrigerator. “Did you clear out the fridge?” she asked, looking puzzled as she stared into it.

  “Nope.”

  “I was going to clean it today, but it looks spotless.”

  I swallowed a mouthful of food. “That’s because you clean more than anyone else on the planet.”

  “And I could have sworn somebody scrubbed the doorstep and varnished the knocke
r,” she muttered.

  “Where the hell is my other shoe?” my father demanded, storming into the kitchen.

  I looked at him blankly.

  “I left them both at the end of the bed,” Mam said impatiently, dumping a cloth into the sink in frustration. She really liked cleaning.

  “Well, there’s only one there now.” His gaze fell on me. “Very funny, Cara. Where the hell is it?”

  “How am I supposed to know? I don’t go into your room.”

  He leaned his palms on the table and glared at me. “Where is it?”

  “She doesn’t know,” Mam said in a high-pitched voice. “Go look for it!”

  He looked stunned but obediently turned on his heel and left the room. I really needed to talk to Grim and Realtín about touching things in the house.

  “Did you take it?” Mam asked under her breath.

  “No! Why would I take his shoe?”

  “I’m just asking.”

  I shook my head and brushed crumbs from my hands. “I have to get to work. I’ll see you later. I’m going to meet Zoe afterward for dinner.”

  “Don’t be too late home and try not to slam the door.”

  I kissed her cheek, trying not to notice the way she flinched at my touch. I walked out the front door, pulling my scarf tight across my mouth then yanking a hat down past my ears.

  Grim and Realtín soon joined me visibly.

  “Can you two glamour me so humans can’t see me?” I asked. “While we walk, I mean.”

  “Of course.” Realtín sounded excited.

  “Good, because we need to talk. I need you to be good while I work, okay? And afterward, I’m meeting Zoe. Leave her alone.” Realtín giggled, so I gave her a firm look. “I mean it. She’s my best friend. Be nice to her.”

  “I’ll try,” Realtín said, rolling her eyes. She slipped her hands into my scarf. “Life with you can be extremely boring, you know.”

  “Good. We want boring. Maybe then I’ll last long enough to help Brendan. And please stop winding up my father. I know you’re trying to help, but it’ll just make things worse. And Grim, can you stop cleaning? It’s the only thing that gets Mam through the day.”