Fade Read online

Some of the creatures lingering on the hills muttered amongst themselves. Reynard looked from one face to the next. As he got close to me, I caught Drake’s eye. I didn’t understand why he didn’t use the power he was supposed to have.

  “Now this is interesting.” Reynard patted Dubh. “A decent horse, all things considered.” He pinched Grim’s nose. “And a brownie. I haven’t seen one of those in a while. Mayhap I need someone to clean my feet after a hard day’s work.”

  His buddies all laughed uproariously. Reynard’s feet were bare and filthy. He wasn’t taking Grim, I decided there and then.

  He reached up and held my chin between his forefinger and thumb. The smell of him made me want to wretch.

  He smiled, revealing tiny sharp teeth. “And then we come to the human.” With his other hand, he walked his fingers up my thigh and grabbed at my crotch. Fear made me stupid. I kicked out at him without thinking.

  He laughed. “And what a human. Did you feel that, boys?”

  I had made the mistake of betraying my emotions again. Brendan had once warned me that some fae would come along and steal me away just because my emotions could make them feel good. Maybe that day had come.

  “I think we’ll have this one,” Reynard said, his eyes half-closed. “Yes, this one.”

  “No,” Drake said. “Not that one.”

  Reynard squeezed my thigh. “What about the pixie then? All of ours are long dead.”

  “You won’t take any of these women,” Arlen said in a gruff voice.

  “You then.” Reynard laughed. “We could have some fun with you, I bet.” He shook his head. “Nah, the human will be enough payment for the rest of you.”

  “I’ll go.”

  I turned to see Bekind strolling over to us. Her hood was down, allowing her golden hair to shine in the sunlight.

  Reynard’s eyes widened. He let go of me and met Bekind halfway, grabbing a fistful of her hair and sniffing it. “Yes. This one will work better.”

  “No!” I cried. “Don’t go with him.”

  Bekind held Reynard’s gaze. “He’ll kill you if I don’t. I’ll be all right. I always land on my feet.”

  That silenced me. Bekind could make it out of any situation—as a cat. And Reynard thought he was just taking a woman. She had more of a chance than the rest of us. But it was still a risk, even for Bekind.

  “Be well,” Drake told Bekind. Then he turned to the rest of us. “Let’s go.”

  Reynard seemed fascinated by Bekind’s hair. That stirred a memory of things best left forgotten.

  We moved on, unmolested by Reynard’s gang. I looked back once. The fae had gathered around Bekind.

  “Don’t look back,” Grim advised.

  As soon as we were out of earshot, Sorcha turned on me. “What were you thinking? Why didn’t you run? That was your only instruction!”

  “Then why didn’t the rest of you keep running?” I demanded. “Nobody made you stick around. I couldn’t leave Líle behind and live with myself afterward. That was on me, not you.”

  She made a sound of frustration. “Nobody made me? You’re an idiot, girl. You’re lucky Bekind was around. Now let’s leave this place far behind. We’re a lot of distance to cover.”

  “And our guide is with Reynard,” Arlen added.

  “Go then,” I snapped. “I’m waiting for Bekind.”

  “They’re not going to let her go,” Sorcha said angrily.

  “She’s a cat, stupid. She can sneak away. She’s good at disappearing.”

  Sorcha hesitated. “They’ll notice. They’ll come after her.”

  “So go!” I shouted. “All of you. Get out of here. I’m waiting for Bekind, and I’m on the fastest horse. So leave me alone!” I turned my back on them. “You too, Grim. I want you safely away before…” I shook my head.

  “Grim, come,” Drake said.

  Grim slipped off Dubh without a word. I heard a heated discussion start up behind me, but I ignored it. Reynard and his men headed toward the castle I couldn’t even see anymore. They would camp along the way, and Bekind would have a chance to escape. I hoped.

  Drake’s horse stepped up next to me. I glanced back to see everyone else trotting away. Grim and Realtín were with Líle. The sprite burned red.

  “We could follow,” he said.

  “They might notice us.”

  We sat in silence, watching the troop of faeries get away with Bekind.

  “It’s not your fault,” Drake said after a moment.

  “Of course it is. I should have gone with them instead.”

  “I wouldn’t have been able to let that happen.”

  I looked at him, but he didn’t say anything else. When he was so close to me, everything was different. But it always ended, leaving me more confused than before.

  “You’ve never seen anything like them before,” he said. “It was natural for you to panic.”

  “I think I saw one when I was six. It was dark, though.” I shrugged.

  “What happened?”

  “I’m not sure. I think it came for me, but it got eaten by a bigger fae. Bekind chased that one away. My father came for me one night, too. Bekind stopped him. And when Dymphna came, Bekind was the one who sent for Brendan.”

  “So she’s been there,” he said. “In your life, watching out for you.”

  “Not just me.” My lower lip wobbled. “But she didn’t stop my mother from being raped. She didn’t stop my brother from taking his own life. So I don’t know what I owe her, but I have to wait here for her.”

  “I understand. The things Bekind has done are complicated. She doesn’t mean your family harm. It’s just the way it is.”

  “Was I wrong before?” I asked. “Should I have left my friend there to die?”

  “You did what you had to do. The others were reluctant to leave her, or they would never have turned around.”

  He reached out and held my hand. We stayed like that for a long time.

  “Are you planning on killing him?” I asked.

  He looked at me.

  “Brendan,” I clarified. “Is that why you came? To stop him from returning?”

  “I should,” he said. “I should make sure I’m the only one.”

  I waited.

  He stared out at the growing darkness and shivered. “I’m not fae enough for that, Cara.” His grip on my hand tightened. “You care for him.”

  “I don’t think I know either of you well enough to know that for certain,” I said, my voice trembling.

  “It can never be. Not with me. Not with him. You don’t belong here. This world is too dark for you. Today was proof of that. I don’t know if Brendan and I can ever make it light enough for you to live in. You’re already changing. I saw you. You could have been Líle. You didn’t hesitate to hurt those creatures.”

  “They were trying to kill my friends.”

  “Remember the pooka,” he said in a strangled voice. “An accident, even though the creature was going to murder you and Grim. And when Dymphna attacked you, you didn’t try to hurt her, only slow her down. This world is winding its way around your heart, changing you. I want you to go on as the girl I fell for, because she was the only person I’ve known in a very long time with a heart at all.”

  I tried to pull my hand out of his, but he held on and pulled me closer. I leaned toward him. He mimicked the movement and pressed his forehead against mine.

  Then I understood. “You don’t think you’re going to make it through this with your soul intact,” I whispered. “You think it’s changing you too much, making you more fae.”

  “I need you to be human enough for the both of us.” He closed his eyes and touched his nose to mine. “That’s what helps me through the darkness, knowing that light exists somewhere.”

  He pressed his lips against mine hesitantly, testing the waters. I held on, wishing everything could be perfect, but there was only a chaotic mess around us, and we were struggling to hold on to each other. Even though his body was back,
he still didn’t want to try to be with me. He just wanted to know I lived—away from the fae, away from the death and danger and magic.

  I pulled away and stared into those violet eyes, trying to figure out how I could have a happy ending. I knew by the look in his eyes that he didn’t believe it was possible in the fae realm. He would push me away again, and I wouldn’t know how to keep him. And that was always the end of my story. The fae never wanted to keep me.

  I opened my mouth to speak, but Dubh whinnied. I peered into the darkness and saw a streak of black under the lilac moonlight. Bekind was sprinting toward us.

  “Go,” I whispered to Drake. “We’ll catch up.”

  He nodded and rode away. Dubh stamped his feet. He wanted to go to her, but I knew we needed to stay hidden in case she was being chased. I waited, holding my breath. When she reached us, she leapt up, and I held her close as Dubh galloped away.

  We were safe. We were ten again.

  Chapter Ten

  “You’re an idiot,” I whispered to Bekind as we rode hard to catch up with the others. “They could have killed you before you managed to escape. They’re probably chasing us right now.”

  My exasperation came from worry. We needed Bekind, but I also liked the cat. She gnawed on my knuckle somewhat affectionately.

  Dubh raced on. The darkness spilled around my shoulders like a cape. The realm was nothing like I had imagined. Nothing made sense, not the weather, not the places, not the people. But the tension in my shoulders had eased. I knew where I stood with Drake. It didn’t make much sense, but I was coming to accept that matters of the heart in the fae realm never would. We caught up with the others.

  “They might follow,” I called out as we passed Arlen and Drake. “They might be on their way right now.”

  “They might wait until we return,” Drake said wryly.

  “We’ll lose them in the marshlands,” Arlen said.

  “We’ll lose ourselves in the marshlands,” Sorcha snapped. “I hope cat lady has a map.”

  Bekind hissed at the banshee.

  We rode all night toward the marshlands. The land changed again, becoming harder to cross. Our pace slowed on the uneven ground. The chill in the air was different, the darkness fuller. My lips stayed moist no matter how windy it became. I leaned forward, my hood gathered around my face, and tried to concentrate on remaining calm. But that strange sense of magic pulling us toward it perturbed me. The awareness had grown so strong that I couldn’t ignore it anymore. Nobody else remarked on the change, and I began to fear that it was a sign of madness from being around the fae for too long.

  We made camp before we got to the marshes. The morning was misty and muggy, but we were all so tired that we managed to sleep. I awoke before everyone because my skin was tingling uncomfortably. I lay there, watching the cool grey sky as a whirlwind of clouds passed overhead.

  By the time the others got up, I had grown used to the feeling that we were moving closer to some huge source of magic. I was a bit dizzy again, so I made sure I ate more than usual before we set off.

  “Hungry?” Sorcha sounded amused.

  I didn’t like the glint in her eye, but I wasn’t interested in rising to the bait. “Looks like it.”

  “Humans use up a lot of energy when they exercise. Riding is considered a form of exercise, isn’t it, Cara?” Grim said.

  I nodded, embarrassed by all of the eyes on me.

  “She looks ill,” Dymphna remarked.

  My cheeks flushed. I didn’t need a mirror to know I looked like shit, but it would have been nice if the rest of the world could stop remarking on it.

  “Don’t the summer wives lose weight before the end?” Sorcha asked with an innocent air.

  “She’s not a summer wife!” Realtín snarled, hovering around my shoulder. “She’s fine!”

  “What happens to the summer wives?” I asked, knowing full well I was going to regret the question.

  “A long time ago,” Drake said, “some fae were gifted human women by the Irish people. They took them for wives in exchange for helping with a good harvest. But the women never lasted longer than the summer. They wasted away, lost their minds, and were either forgotten about, put out of their misery, or sent back to their families. The name stuck to anyone taken by a faery. They’re taken until they’re used up, and they never last long.”

  “But why?” I asked. “What happened to them that they couldn’t last longer than the summer?”

  “They can’t survive the magic,” Líle said in a grim voice. She had worried about me since the time she’d brought me to the Mother’s Gardens and I fell unconscious for days afterward. “They get sick and go crazy. We’re too much to live with.”

  “But Cara’s different,” Anya said anxiously. “She’s survived this long.”

  “Not a whole summer,” Scorcha said. “She made it to Imbolc, but will she make it to Bealtaine? And she hasn’t been used like a wife. At least, not so much.”

  I felt a little ill. I looked at Drake. He was staring at Sorcha as if he wanted to break her neck. She stared back, her cheeks flushed, then looked away.

  “She won’t be with the fae that long,” Drake said. “She’ll survive.”

  “We could miss Beltaine in the Fade,” Sorcha said under her breath, unable to resist getting in the last word.

  The longer I spent with the fae, the bigger the risk to my life and my mind. I wished that would make me fear them, but nothing ever did. I hadn’t regretted a second of my time with them, and I probably never would. I was just another version of Ronnie, unable to have a normal life after an experience with the fae.

  “Where’s Ronnie?” I asked. I couldn’t believe I had forgotten to ask about her already.

  “She’s safe,” Drake said. “I ordered her to be cared for and kept out of Sadler’s hands. She’s already suffered punishment enough. I don’t have the heart to call what she did a crime.”

  “Not when she did you a favour,” Sorcha said. “But there’s still Sadler to deal with.”

  “Not here and not now,” Drake said. “He’ll get what he deserves some day, I have no doubt.” He frowned. “Now can we please speak of other things?”

  Sorcha directed her keen gaze at Bekind. “What did Reynard plan on doing with you?”

  Bekind sat cross-legged next to me. I didn’t think she was going to answer, but she lifted her head and spoke. “They wanted to give me to someone as a gift. They were taking me to the castle. Someone should go there after this. Some king. Trouble will come from that place.”

  “How did you get away?” Líle asked.

  Bekind shrugged. “They didn’t watch me all the time. They kept me in a tent away from the others. Out of sight, out of mind. As soon as Reynard left, I did. They’ll have found out by now.”

  “They won’t follow us into the marshlands,” Dymphna said. “Few are foolish enough to cross.”

  “And we’re the foolish ones.” Sorcha sighed. “Do you know the way, cat?”

  “I don’t. I’ve never been through the marshlands. But I know the way to the Fade.”

  “Somehow, I don’t believe you,” Sorcha replied.

  “How hard can it be?” Anya said brightly. She moved to plait my hair and cried out with shock. “What happened? There’s a chunk missing!”

  I reached up and felt around. “Arlen caught some of my hair with his sword yesterday. That’s all.”

  “That’s all?” She looked horrified. “Your beautiful hair!”

  “It’s just hair,” I said softly, turning to see how her face had fallen. “It’ll grow back.”

  “It’s not just hair.” Her chin wobbled. “It’s everything.” She started to cry. “I hate this place. If Bekind hadn’t been there…”

  I hugged her. “It’s over,” I whispered. “We’re safe right now. Anya.” I pulled back. “Do you want to go home?”

  “I want… I want to stay with you.” She glanced at Arlen. “I don’t want to go back. There’s nothi
ng for me there.”

  “Why did you even come with Drake?” Sorcha asked nastily. “You’re a weak little pixie. I thought you were made of sterner stuff than this.”

  “I came for Cara, and…” She bit her lip. “You would never understand.”

  “You’re right,” Sorcha said. “I don’t understand any of this. What does the girl have that makes people risk their lives for her? All of you just abandoned the plan yesterday and rushed to her rescue.”

  “I didn’t need to be rescued,” I said.

  She ignored me. “Why would you sacrifice the mission for a human? Somebody explain it to me, please. Brendan’s soul is stuck in the Fade. The longer he’s there, the greater the chance he becomes one of the shades. We might not have a man to bring home. You all understand that, don’t you?”

  “He didn’t become a shade last time,” I said, but her words unnerved me.

  “He was lucky,” she said. “He’s always been lucky. But when his luck goes, the fall is tremendous. And all because of you. Are you happy now?”

  “If I was happy about it, I wouldn’t be here.” I didn’t understand the banshee at all. Being thrust into her company twenty-four, seven hadn’t helped with that.

  “We all came here together,” Dymphna said. “Líle could almost be one of my own. It seems right to stop for a fallen soldier.”

  “But it’s stupid. It makes no sense. It’s not logical. It’s not—”

  “It’s called humanity.” Drake leaned back and stared at the sky. “Cara shows it, and the rest of us are compelled to follow her lead because we like the way it makes us feel.”

  I frowned. Brendan had also used the word “compelled.” He made it sound as though I had forced my friends to be with me.

  Sorcha let out a pained laugh. “Even Brendan didn’t understand.”

  “But he did it anyway,” Arlen said.

  “It wasn’t me,” I said. “You all think he changed because of me, but that’s not true. He had already changed. Sorcha, you would see that if you tried to look past your hatred of me. Being in the Fade changed him, altered his outlook on life.”

  “Maybe he didn’t come back with a full soul,” she said. “Maybe something went wrong.”