Purity Read online

  I couldn’t stop.

  The paintings were so dark that they sometimes scared me, but they were my best work ever. It had taken heartbreak and pain to draw out what I had always fully intended to express in every shadow. It was exhilarating.

  Except for the reminders. He was in every painting, one way or another. Whether a shadow or a figure, a wolf or a pair of eyes, his presence was unmistakable.

  Scrunching up a page, I decided to drop the drawing and get ready for my interview. My cousin Joey had been the one to come up with the idea in the first place, and he had put my name down without asking me. Dad’s reaction had sealed the deal. I didn’t have much interest in the library, but seeing as my presence seemed to depress my father, and he appeared momentarily happy at the idea of me doing work experience there, I figured it would help if I stayed out of his way as much as possible.

  I practiced smiling in the mirror. Joey had made a point of telling me I looked so miserable that it made him physically sick, and I had decided that wasn’t the Perdy I wanted to be anymore. If I didn’t think about Nathan, I would be fine.

  Perfect.

  I strolled to the library after listening to my grandmother’s overly enthusiastic wishes of good luck. We all already knew that I’d be getting the work experience slot. Nobody else wanted it.

  The breeze was cool enough to lift goose bumps on my skin, but the day was nice enough. Still, I found myself constantly looking over my shoulder. Nathan might have been gone and the werewolves fighting their battles elsewhere, but I never felt safe anymore. Not for a second. Breaking the curse didn’t change how I saw the world. It didn’t make me forget the dangers out there.

  No. No thinking. Perfect smiling happy face only.

  As soon as I stepped into the musty library, I realised why nobody wanted to work there. The place was pretty disgusting, all dust and weird damp old book smells. Every surface looked as though it needed a good scrub.

  A sudden hacking cough tore through the silence and made me stumble. I frantically glanced around to see who was there and almost died with terror when an ancient old lady appeared to rise up from behind the counter like a decrepit bride of Dracula. Her face was a perfect example of crankiness, and my heart sank. I automatically gave her my best smile, but maybe I was a little too eager because she looked slightly repulsed.

  “Um, I-I’m here to interview for the work experience p-placement,” I stuttered.

  She looked away and coughed into a handkerchief. “You’re late.”

  “Um, I don’t think—”

  “You’ll arrive at eight forty-five every single morning. No excuses. You will stay until six and lock up. During the day, you will clean and organise. You will not eat in the library. You will not use a mobile phone in the library. You will have one hour for lunch. Not a minute more.” She peered at me. “You may call me Mrs. Reed, and you will work hard.”

  “I… okay. That’s… I mean, that’s fine. Okay.”

  She made a huffing sound. “Monday morning. Eight forty-five. Bring a packed lunch.” She turned and began sorting through a pile of books on the counter, completely dismissing me.

  “I… see you then.” I walked out feeling as though I’d just been in a dream, or maybe a nightmare. Mrs. Reed wasn’t quite what I had been expecting.

  I called Joey. “So, Mrs. Reed… she’s weird, right?” I said before he could say hello.

  There was a pause, and then he laughed. “You’ll get used to her. She’s just set in her ways.”

  “I feel like you’ve gotten me into something here.”

  “Oh, come on. What else do you have to do? Mope around missing your boyfriend?”

  “Joey!” I couldn’t believe he would say something like that.

  “Perdy. Are we supposed to pretend this year hasn’t happened at all?”

  I stopped walking and stared at the phone. What was with him lately? “No,” I said after a moment. “I don’t expect anyone to forget, but that doesn’t mean we have to discuss it in detail.”

  “Or at all, eh? Look, I’m not asking for details, but it’d be nice to get back to normal.”

  I made a sound of frustration. “Everyone keeps saying that. What’s normal, anyway?”

  “Normal is you being a part of the real world again.”

  I could hear the irritation in his voice, and I swallowed hard before saying, “I am a part of the real world. Now more than ever. You all got what you wanted, remember?”

  “You say that, but you’re the one who acts as though you want to pretend Nathan doesn’t exist anymore. I’ve never wanted that.”

  “It’s hard, okay? Besides, he’s not here. He might as well not exist. I want to move on because nothing’s ever going to go back to the way it was.”

  “See, this is what I don’t understand. The two of you have been like… Romeo and Juliet level of obsession. It was weird, but whatever. It worked for you two, apparently. And then it’s over. Just like that. No fallout. No fight. No reason. And then he just disappears? It makes no sense to me.”

  I opened and closed my mouth a couple of times as a dozen different sentences I couldn’t say sprang to mind. “I have to go.”

  I hung up on him before he could dig any deeper. I could see what was freaking him out. I knew there weren’t enough answers for him. He would always be curious. That was the way Joey lived his life: constant nosiness and an inability to leave anything alone once there was some question he couldn’t immediately answer.

  I kept other people’s secrets, and the truth wasn’t logical enough for my cousin. Sometimes I wished I could tell him, wished I had somebody, anyone at all, to talk to about it, but everyone had an opinion on Nathan. Everyone wanted to know more.

  In those kinds of moments, I wished I still had Amelia, but she hadn’t come to see me or even called.

  Gran greeted me at the front door, twisting a ring around her finger. “Now, don’t be angry with me.”

  My heart threatened to stop. “Why? What did you do?”

  “Tammie called again, so I asked her to drop over. Don’t look at me like that, Perdy. I’m your grandmother. I know what’s best for you… most of the time. Maybe I shouldn’t interfere, but you need someone. You won’t talk to me, and you have to get whatever it is on your mind off your chest. Please. Please, stop isolating yourself.” Tears glittered in her eyes.

  Out of surprise and guilt, I nodded. “Fine. I’ll see her. I’m not trying to… I’m not ready for the other stuff, okay? There are things I just can’t talk about right now. I’m sorry, Gran.”

  She hugged me, her grip unrelentingly tight. “Well, then talk about other things. Unimportant things. If it doesn’t make you feel better, don’t do it twice, but at least try. For me.”

  I gave an exaggerated eye roll. “Blackmailer.”

  “That’s my girl.” She threw her arm around me and led me inside.

  Tammie stood when I entered the room, seemingly unsure of where to look. I had a sudden pang as I realised everyone acted around me the way we all reacted to Dad. That wasn’t a good sign.

  “I’ll be upstairs,” Gran said. “You girls have a nice chat.”

  Tammie grinned at me as Gran left the room, an old familiarity returning. “Some things never change, eh?”

  “I don’t know about that.” I sat down, and she sank into the chair again.

  “I’ve been trying to get in touch with you.” She avoided my eyes. “Ever since I heard…”

  “I know. Didn’t think we had much to talk about. Not after everything.”

  “I’ve apologised a million times.”

  “Doesn’t mean so much to me anymore. You told me not to bother you,” I said coldly. “And you said it because you knew I’d take it.”

  “I just… I miss you, okay? When I heard it was over, I wanted to make sure you were okay. But more than that, I want to be friends again.” She gave a nervous laugh. “Turns out I need you more than you need me.”

  “You have
Joey.”

  “And who do you have? Look at me.”

  I did, but I saw something in her eyes I hadn’t noticed before. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing new,” she said with a wry smile. “But I’m not here to talk about me. I’m here for you. How are you doing?”

  I huffed out a sound of disgust. “What do you care? You hated him.”

  She cocked her head. “I didn’t hate him. Not really. I just wasn’t comfortable around him. Besides, he and his sister stole my best friend away. Can you blame me for being a little peeved?” She smiled, but the expression didn’t reach her eyes. “No matter what happened between us, I still care about you, Perdy. That doesn’t disappear overnight.”

  I gazed at her, again seeing pain flit across her expression. “Seriously, what’s going on with you?”

  “Stop avoiding the subject.” She laughed, covering her mouth. “I hear you’re grounded for all eternity. Old Man Rivers is still way harsh, I see.”

  “I deserve it this time. I messed up… messed up everything, really.” I shrugged. “Besides, I’m only grounded until I move out.”

  “So until next summer?”

  I scraped some paint from my fingers with my thumbnail. My repetitive drawings wouldn’t get me into any college. “Maybe. Maybe not.”

  “You’re still going to college, right? I mean, art college,” she said urgently.

  “I’ve a lot of thinking to do. Maybe Dad’s been right all along. I can’t keep dreaming forever.”

  “What?” She stared at me in amazement. “Are you actually serious? Perdy, what’s the point in living if you don’t have dreams? Why on earth would you do anything other than the one thing you’ve wanted your entire life?”

  I leaned back at the ferocity of her tone. “Um, wow. Chill a little, Tams.”

  “I can’t believe you’re giving up. Wait a minute. Is this over Nathan? Are you actually giving up over a boy?”

  “I’m not giving up anything. And not over a boy, but thanks for the judgement. I’m just saying I have options, and maybe what I think would be fun isn’t actually for the best.”

  “I’m so having a word with your dad over this,” she muttered. “That’s like… it would be like when one of those old celebrity couples who have been together forever split up. Your entire life changes because even they couldn’t make it work.”

  “What? I mean… what? How is—”

  “Don’t act like you don’t understand! If you give up on the one thing that’ll make you happy, then what chance do I have?”

  I rolled my eyes. “Really, Tammie? Thought we were on about me here. And by the way, when it looked like Nathan was making me happy, you absolutely hated it, so don’t give me that crap.”

  Her face paled. “It was never meant to be like that. I didn’t mean to come across that way, but I thought—”

  “I’m tired.” I sighed wearily, not even faking it. “Like, really tired. Can we not do this right now?”

  “Uh, yeah, okay. Sorry. Can we talk again? I mean, like we used to? Just hang out or whatever?”

  “Grounded,” I reminded, ushering her out of my house before she could persuade me otherwise.

  Gran came up behind me immediately, and I knew she had been listening. She got in my way when I tried to make it back up the stairs. “Perdy, you can’t give up on what you’ve always wanted to do. Your father’s not himself right now, that’s all. It’ll change. He won’t honestly expect you to give up. You’ve worked so hard. Even now, you’re still working hard.”

  Thoughts blazed through my head about how filling my portfolio was less the truth than the fact that I was trying to paint away my feelings for Nathan. I was trying to get him out of my head. “Maybe I’m the one who’s changed my mind, Gran. Everything’s changed. Everything. I can’t be the same person anymore, so maybe everyone should give me the space to make up my own mind.”

  I brushed past her and ran up to my room. I could barely keep my eyes open. The nightmares probably disturbed my sleep too often, but as soon as I lay on my bed and closed my eyes, he popped into my head. No way could I sleep after that.

  All I was left with was thinking about how my plans might change. I wasn’t trying to please Dad, or at least not only that. Everything I knew in my life had been turned upside down. I had murdered somebody, but I couldn’t tell a soul. I couldn’t even prove what I had done. Maybe I didn’t deserve to live my dreams.

  I wasn’t the same person anymore. Art was a release, but I couldn’t do anything for a living with the same few pictures that kept flowing from my fingers. My mind had gone one-track, and that wasn’t conducive to creativity. My plans had to change.

  Maybe art would always be a hobby for me, but so what? I’d just have to look at something more sensible for a career. Maybe I had to be more like Dad.

  What bothered me was the way everyone forced their opinions on me. Sometimes I wanted a neutral point of view from someone who wasn’t invested in my decisions, from someone who didn’t have a motive regarding Nathan and his family.

  My mother, Meredith, had gone home a couple of days after the curse had been broken by Amelia, unable to deal with a shell-shocked daughter. She hadn’t run away in the night at least. She had discussed it with me, explained her reasons, and only left when I nodded my acceptance. It had hurt Gran, but I was perfectly fine with it.

  Until now.

  I needed somebody I didn’t have, somebody I never really knew I needed. It was kind of a strange turnaround for me, but as I kept telling people, everything had changed.

  Her voice wasn’t familiar, and her habits were unknown to me, but when my mother answered her phone, I felt an odd sense of relief, as though maybe she was somebody I could talk to about unimportant stuff, just as Gran wanted.

  “How are you doing?” she asked, sounding a lot more relaxed than the last time we spoke.

  “Okay.” I hesitated. “Well, not really. Dad’s coming home this week.”

  “Ah. If it gets too much, you could visit me, you know. If you wanted.”

  It surprised me that she actually sounded sincere. “I think I should be here for him.”

  “Anything else going on? Any changes on the boyfriend front?”

  “He’s still gone. I don’t know if he’s ever coming back.” I was proud of how steady my voice was as I said the words out loud. Maybe I was getting used to it. Maybe I would be okay soon.

  “It might be good for you both to have a break from each other anyway. It’ll give you a chance to really think about what it is you want. If he’s worth it, he’ll wait. You’re young. You’ll have lots of time once your dad gets better.”

  If he ever got better. The werewolf bite hadn’t exactly done him any favours.

  “I think it wasn’t my choice anyway.”

  “Then don’t waste your time on him,” she said sharply. “Sorry. Wow. Protective streak finally made an appearance.”

  I laughed with her, feeling slightly better. “I’m starting work experience on Monday. In a library.”

  “A library? I didn’t take you for a librarian.”

  “Funny. It was Joey’s idea, Dad seemed interested, and it’s the only way I’m getting out of the house for the summer, so I figured, why not?”

  “I could always talk to Stephen about it. He’s acting way too much like your grandfather did, and we all know how well that turned out.”

  I chuckled. “I’m not eloping. Don’t worry.”

  “But you will run away whenever you get the chance. You might wait for something legitimate, like college, but that’s what you’ll end up having to do if he keeps acting this way.”

  I had thought the exact same thing, many times. But life had changed, and I knew my conscience would fight me to the bitter end if I tried to run away from Dad. After all, he was ill because of me. The only way I would run was if he made it clear he didn’t want me to stay, and although I had been getting that vibe from him of late, I couldn’t believe that was
what he really wanted.

  “We’ll be okay,” I said. “He’ll get over it. He always does.”

  At least, I hoped he would.

  Chapter Two

  Nathan

  Near Balme

  I pulled my scarf tighter across my chin, shivering uncontrollably. Stupid mountains. Stupid summer snow. Why anyone would want to stay in a hut there, of all places, was a mystery to me. Shuffling my feet to make sure I didn’t lose any toes, I watched the same story repeat itself. More suspicion, more aggression, more rejection.

  Willow had been taking us from place to place around Europe for weeks, each more secluded than the last. I couldn’t help suspecting the entire idea was a way to lead us straight into a trap.

  We were looking for werewolves, loners, exiles, or small families managing to live unmolested by the main pack. We wanted help. We needed it. Vin would keep sending his werewolves after my family if we didn’t stop him. Even aided by Ryan and Willow, the wolves who had deserted him, we were still outnumbered. We needed to be certain of victory when we went after Vin.

  All Opa wanted was Vin. All Jeremy wanted was power. All Willow wanted was to get back to Ryan. And all I wanted was to forget.

  Byron and Opa had fought hard over our leaving. Opa had conceded, but after we left, he insisted to Jeremy and me that we could combine our efforts and simultaneously find werewolves to join us while we figured out where Vin was hiding.

  The old man shook his head again, vehemently this time. He had greeted us a half-mile away from the hut his family were staying in, a place often frequented by travelling werewolves, or so Willow said. Much lower on the mountain was some kind of tourist accommodation, which was where we had ditched the truck we hired, but this particular place had been built by werewolves, designed to keep them out of sight and out of mind.